Perspective

I’ve been reflecting on just how much has changed in the 4 weeks since my fibroid removal surgery. The time off from work, fundraising and training now feels like a gift in that I’ve not been distracted and been able to reflect deeply on life.

As I slowly emerge from this first phase of recovery, I feel like I’ve gained perspective on things and allowed my brain the rest it needed to be able to recognise new possibilities. But, most importantly, I’ve emerged with a strong sense of self, and I’ve realised the need to implement some key actions to help me achieve my goals.

Exercise my Agency

Life’s thrown me some pretty awful curveballs in the last decade, particularly when it comes to my health. But now, especially after this last surgery I feel like the world could finally truly become my oyster. I have the chance to live a life that’s no longer burdened by physical pain or restricted by the anxiety of not knowing when the next fatigue bout will hit. And now that this weight has been lifted, I feel there’s more freedom to plan and it’s simply wonderful!

Reinforce My Boundaries

I really struggle with reinforcing boundaries that I’ve set for myself at work and in my personal life and that has at times caused me more stress and anxiety. Saying no can sometimes feel like you’re being mean, unkind, or even lazy. But, by saying no, or not right now, you’re actually giving yourself the time and energy to create the space necessary to excel at the tasks in hand.

I’m guilty of becoming so used to being turned down or dismissed that when an opportunity presents itself, I feel rather foolish for considering and rejecting it rather that accepting. But I’m learning that it really does pay to examine things thoroughly, to see if they align with your vision, goals, and values before accepting. A kind no can often be the best course of action.

Protect My Energy

The first thing that can often spring to mind when people mention ‘protecting your energy’ is blocking out negativity or distancing yourself from negative and hurtful people. Now whilst this is a key element, I think it’s also important to actively seek out and surround yourself with people who challenge, educate, inspire, and encourage you. As you protect your energy, you make space for your character to grow making it easier to be gracious and kind even when a situation may not warrant it.

Recovery: Living out "Go slow to go far"

It’s been 2 weeks since my fibroid removal surgery and I’ve spent it sometimes embracing the process of recovery and other times raging at the fact that I’m so much slower at everything.

The surgery was a success and they ended up discovering more fibroids than we initially thought I had. My blood loss during the surgery was minimal, which meant that my post-op recovery got off to a good start!

The first thing I noticed as the anesthesia wore off was how bloated my entire body was after surgery. As I had laparoscopic surgery, they inserted CO2 gas into my abdomen so that the surgeon could see my organs clearly and have better room to maneuver and work. The pain from all that trapped gas felt worse than the pain from the surgery for the first few days. But even with all the pain I refused to take any morphine because I wanted to avoid the extra recovery time it would take to allow my system to process that as well as everything else. Please note that I am by no means advocating not taking morphine post-surgery, I was just fortunate that my pain was borderline bearable, so I felt I didn’t need it. It’s important to always listen to your body and the medical advice you’re given!

I feel like recovery began in earnest this week as I spent most of last week resting. I now go for very slow walks, increasing the distance covered daily. I also do some mobility exercises a few times a day and I can already feel my body getting stronger. The thing I’m struggling with the most is the speed at which I move and my capacity to do stuff. Now let me preface this by saying that I’m well aware that I’m fortunate that my recovery so far has been ahead of the curve, but still, I want more!

I miss the physicality of strenuous exercise, the way my legs felt after a long tyre pull or how my body felt after an intense workout at the gym. But I’m determined to allow my body the time it needs to heal properly so I can avoid being injured or getting a hernia, so I’m learning to embrace zone 1 training.

The whole process has really made me more empathetic to the elderly. How on earth does one deal with diminished strength and mobility when one mind is still as sharp as ever?!

Genny Brown and the Six

In just over 4 weeks’ time I’ll be turning 40!

For years I’d promised myself that my biggest gift to my 40-year-old self would be to have a six-pack again as I did 14 years ago when I first moved to the UK. I held on to the notion that regaining this aesthetic would bring me joy and a deep sense of satisfaction.

Over the years I’ve watched my body and shape go through so many changes. I lost tremendous amount of weight after contracting Lyme Disease and then put on quite a bit of muscle as I recovered and began training again.

I still remember being slightly in awe and horrified at my ever expanding back and bum as I started lifting weights again.

To make matters worse, I was my harshest critic. Constantly nagging myself and asking, “what about the six-pack?” and counting calories as if my life depended on it. Then, a few years ago, I had an epiphany and remember journaling “six-pack be damned, for my 40th I really want a strong and healthy body and to be content in my own skin.”

Thus, begun a journey of self-acceptance and love. I began to understand and embrace the notion that true sexiness has nothing to do with my dress size and everything to do with who I am and the strength I carry within.

With the amount of training that I do, many expect and tell me that I should be leaner or at least more muscular but that’s just not where I am right now, and that’s totally ok. Because besides having to deal with Lyme Disease, I have Fibroids.. ugh!

Fibroids are non-cancerous growths that can develop in and around the womb, and I have 6. I refer to them as the six-pack I never wanted. These 6 have been curing all kinds of increasing mayhem in my body for the past 3 years. Sometimes, like today, I look like I’m a few months pregnant due to water retention.

Over the coming weeks I’ll be sharing a bit more about how they’ve affected me, and my chronic Lyme and how I’ll be dealing with them. But for today I just wanted to share a pic of my strong, fibroid-riddled body as a reminder to myself that I am not defined by my dress size or body shape!

I also want to send a massive shout out to everyone dealing with fibroids, endometriosis, heavy periods, pcos, perimenopause, menopause and all the other invisible illnesses that affect our wombs.

Hardangervidda Day 7

As a tent we decided to get up 30 minutes before everyone else, at 5:30, so we could be ready to go at call time. The logistics of having to boil 6L of water for 3 people and get ready in a relatively small space can be quite time-consuming, especially when your hands are frozen like mine were. In fact, Andrea, my tent mate had to lace up my boots and button my trousers because I couldn’t feel my fingers.

The final descent was bittersweet. I was fantasizing about the long hot bath I was going to have back at the hotel in Oslo but also already missing being out on the plateau.

As we skied into our pickup area a sense of wonder, elation and pride swept over me. I hadn’t survived but thrived! I had managed to go from a bed bound Lyme Disease sufferer to a bona fide explorer. I had proved that my body could handle the demands of an expedition without fatiguing and for a chronic Lyme sufferer that is a MIRACLE!

I want to thank my personal trainer Josh for getting me fighting fit and in shape for the expedition. I first met Josh in 2017 when I first started training again after being diagnosed with Lyme Disease and loved his training style. We reconnected last December and worked out a tough 6-week plan that successfully prepared me for the physicality of the expedition.

I also want to thank the ultra-cool and amazing Helen Turton from Expeditions for organizing such a marvellousexpedition and for all her adviser, tuition, patience, and care. I’m so looking forward to training with her again and putting together a plan that will get me to the South Pole safely.

A massive shout out also goes to Danielle from the Surrey Massage Clinic for the pre, and post expedition tailored massages. Her expert hands helped make my recovery a doddle!

Hardangervidda Day 6

This was our last full day of skiing and as we made our way down off the plateau we began to encounter more trees and people skiing with the cutest outfitted dogs. After days of just white in the background, I found myself getting excited at the sight of each new tree line.🌲

Day 6 was my least favourite day as I discovered that I definitely preferred skiing uphill, however gruelling that could be, to skiing downhill and doing so with a sledge. The really steep hills with virgin snow turned out to be easier to manoeuvre on compared to the little hills and bends on tracked slopes, which were becoming more prevalent as we were returning to civilisation. In the end I just took my ski’s off and hauled my sledge downhill until we reached a bit I could just ski to.

As the day went on I found myself struggling to keep my energy levels up and just couldn’t summon the strength to get my legs going as I’d been able to before. When we got to our campsite I quickly counted my snack bags and realised I hadn’t eaten enough. Next time, I’m definitely mixing in more savoury treats so I’ll be incentivised to eat and keep my energy levels up. As you can see from the pics… I had about 3 days of snacks leftover. 🙁

Leftover food 😳

We had an earlier start that usual the next morning so we were tucked in and ready for bed by 7:30pm! I don’t think I’ve been to bed that early since childhood. 😂

Hardangervidda Day 5

After a night of icy howling wind, I emerged from the safe cocoon of my fleece lined sleeping bag to a surprising calm morning. The snow walls protected everyone’s tents brilliantly!

I’ve been asked what the daily routine looked like so here goes:

❄️  Wake up at 7am.⏰

❄️  Try to drink 1L of water before breakfast.🥤

❄️  Help reboil the snow we melted the night before and filled our thermos flasks with to have 2 -3 litres of water supply for the day.🧊

❄️  Breakfast: porridge - I’ve decided that I’ll opt for a savoury breakfast in future.🍚

❄️  Morning ablutions, putting in contacts, applying medicated talcum powder instead of anti-persperirant and changing into our ‘daywear’.🪥

❄️  Pack up our pulk and sleeping bags, dismantle the tent and pack our sledges.⛺️

❄️  Quick group powwow.💬

❄️  Ski for 50/45 min with a 10 min break, except for lunch which was a slightly longer break.⛷

❄️ Lunch: part of our snack bag for the day and hobnobs. My snack bag contained my chopped home-made energy bars, chopped protein and granola bars, dried fruit, dark chocolate, seeds and nuts.🥜

❄️  End the day with enough sunlight to put up the tent and sweep bits of ice away off the tent floor.🧹

❄️  Assemble the stove and take turns melting snow for our water supply.👩🏽‍🍳

❄️  Change into our ‘evening wear’ aka dry clothes stowed in dry sacks/in our sleeping bags.👚

❄️  Hang and dry our wet base layers, socks and hats –  who knew that filling a water bottle with hot water and then pulling socks over it could them so quickly and entertain us as well!🧦💨

❄️  Eat, evening ablutions and sleep aka my fave part of the day! 🛌

Day 5 was quite special. We decided to eat our dinners together as a group rather than in our individual tents. So, whilst some of the group was boiling water others were helping to build an open igloo/ seating area for dinner. Helen and Morton entertained us with polar bear stories and tips on how to tell the difference between a disinterested polar bear vs one that has decided to have you for dinner 😂😳.

Lunch Break.

Hardangervidda Day 4

Ahh glorious Day 4, when I finally re-learnt how to ski!

I awoke to the most spectacular sunrise and seriously frozen hands. I’d been having some issues with my mitts which meant that every time I had to unzip my pulk to get my water or food I’d take them off. Exposed hands and subzero temperatures don’t mix so it was taking at least 20 - 30 minutes after we’d set off for them to warm up! ❄️❄️

Who knew snow could be this heavy?!

As we set off, I was put at the front of the pack as a pace setter because basically I was moving like a 🐢. I won’t call what I was doing skiing, it was more like stomping through the snow ungracefully 🤣.  But then, the amazing and legendary Jane, one of the other ladies on the trip decided to take me in hand and teach me how to ski.  By lunchtime I was gliding like a pro and absolutely loving her coaching. I cannot begin to tell you how joyous it was to move more efficiently; my legs were certainly thankful!

The weather was due to turn so we set up camp a bit earlier than usual so we could all have time to build a protective snow wall around our tents. Let me tell you, that was backbreaking work! I came away with a newfound respect for bricklayers.

Then came my favourite part of the day, melting the snow that we used as drinking water and to rehydrate our meals. That was definitely my favourite tent duty. I found myself thinking about my grandfather who was a chef and wondering what he would make of his Gen-Gen cooking out in the freezing cold. And it is with the sweet memory of his voice and laugh that I fell asleep that night, exhausted but happy!

Hardangervidda Day 3

After managing to wriggle my way into a comfortable side lying position in the sleeping bag, I had the first decent night’s sleep in the tent and awoke to a beautiful and sunny, if not cold morning.

Zig-zagging up to the top.

After breakfast we started making our way to the highest peak in the area by skiing across an area that can best be described as “Hills, hills and more hills!”

By now it had become abundantly clear that I’d totally forgotten how to xc-ski, which meant I was basically stomping through the snow and giving my legs and arms an almighty and totally unnecessary workout. All I can say is that I was so thankful for all those hilly tyre walks and intense leg workouts because I had the stamina to endure!

Break time.

By the end of the day, I’d managed to drop my phone in the snow so many times so that it wouldn’t charge and spilt my dinner on my clean, dry socks so when bedtime came round, I was happy the day was over.

Our campsite at night.

I was tired and a little miserable and remember laying there envying my tent mates at their ability to fall asleep so easily. As I drifted off, I prayed that I’d keep up the stamina and evade any Lyme induced fatigue and vowed to power through, not let myself be defeated, focus on the positives and keep a cheerful attitude no matter what!

Hardangervidda Day 2

I woke up to such a beautiful winter wonderland!

When I say woke up, I really mean, got out of bed. I slept fitfully, probably due to all the excitement. 

Enjoying the last few moments of warmth in the bus.

We drove 3 hours up to our drop off point, unloaded our gear and packed the sledges, stopped for a long lunch and then skied across a frozen lake to our campsite for the night. 

Clipping up before we set off.

Today’s learning included setting up a tent with huge gloves which wasn’t too bad and learning how to work and cook on the primus stove. I found this to be a quite soothing task. 

Putting up our tents.

Also trying to get down a hill with a pulk/sledge gracefully is something I still have to master but I’m loving every moment and smiling as I go!

Hardangervidda North Expedition

I recently completed my very first expedition in the northern part of the Hardangervidda mountain range in Norway.

For the next week I’ll be posting a daily blog on my experiences, I hope they inspire you to push your boundaries and discover your limitless potential!

Day 1

After landing in snowy white Oslo, we made our way to Kongsberg where we met the rest of the fabulous group that we’ll be skiing with, and I already feel like I’ve won the lottery when it comes to tent mates and teammates!

Meal Prep For The Week

 I cannot begin to tell you how over the moon I am that the Baffin boots fit me, I’ve just had to add extra socks and play around with the layering of my vapour barrier socks! 

Food For The Week

 After dinner we had an a great pulk/sledge packing tutorial and went over the plan for the tomorrow when we’ll be heading out to the plateau. My 🧠 is buzzing and my learning curve has 🚀📈. 

Pull Packing Demo

 Currently I’m feeling excited and relieved, and I’m filled with anticipation and joy!