The Vortex of Uncertainty

It’s been a tough couple of weeks. Juggling a full-time job, an intense training schedule and life in general isn’t easy at the best of times so adding uncertainty and anxiety to the mix makes for a pretty frantic rollercoaster ride if I’m honest. 🎢😓

My anxiety has been off the wall lately and it’s partly because I am nearing the sponsorship deadline (IN 18 DAYS😱😱😱) and even if I get the money I’m not sure that I’ll even be able to go this year as the 2020/2021 Antarctic season may be cancelled altogether due to Covid-19. Which means a whole extra year of training and missing out on major life events of friends and family😢.

I feel like I’m stuck in this never-ending 🌪vortex of uncertainty🌪 and can I be totally honest?! I am SICK OF IT! I know I’m not the only one feeling like this. This pandemic has been such a stressful period for all of us, because our brains are not wired for this kind of uncertainty overload. We don’t know when it will end, we don’t know how we feel about it all; and we don’t know if we’ll ever go back to normal. And if you’re anything like me, not knowing is not ok!

So, I decided to do some research on why our brains react as they do to the 🌪vortex of uncertainty🌪 and share what I’ve learnt so far in the hope that it will help you as it is helping me.

Did you know that we are wired to always put safety first? That means that our brain equates safety with certainty and that gives us a sense of balance and peace. In that state of peace our brains are best equipped to proficiently handle whatever situation we’re facing🧠☮️. If that sense of balance and peace is threatened by a constant barrage of uncertainty, our brain loses its ability to maintain the vital connection to our rational mind, which we need to help us make sense of it all, and we can end up feeling constantly and hopelessly overwhelmed.

The good news is that we can help our brains to re-engage with that sense of safety, balance and peace by introducing some simple steps into our daily routine. These are a few that have worked for me:

• BREATHE 🧘🏾‍♀️: A simple technique is just to take a deep big belly breath in, hold it for a few counts, then slowly exhale and repeat.

• EXERCISE💃🏾: Whether that means dancing to your favourite tune like no one is watching, taking a long walk or training for a marathon…simply move that hot body of yours!

• RHYTHM🎶: Create a simple schedule that you won’t have trouble sticking to and then stick it on repeat like it’s your favourite song.

• BOUNDARIES📴: Friends, family, work..they’re all wonderful and can be enjoyed all the more when there are healthy boundaries in place.

• REST💤: I can’t stress enough how integral to wellbeing your sleep and taking time to rest actually is. We simply cannot function without it.

• FOCUS🧠: What are you focusing on and feeding your brain with? Is it true, is it necessary, is it healthy? Simple practises like limiting the amount of news we read/watch can help in limiting anxiety as they limit exposure to possible negative trigger words and scenarios.

• CONNECT:👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 Your family, friends, tribe, team, ride or die… whatever you call them, whoever they are; celebrate them when things are going well; support them when things are messy. Those connections are vital and will keep you nourished in times of deepest despair.

I’ve no idea whether this will resonate with anyone but sharing it has reminded me of a few things I need to put into place again to help me navigate these uncertain times. Know that it’s totally ok not to be ok; none of us have this all figured out and some days all you’ll be able to do is stay under the duvet, eat ice-cream and binge on Netflix❤️.

Lyme Hero of the Week

I don’t often share on what living with Lyme can be like partially because I feel like there are so many people who have it way worse than I do and because I simply don’t like dwelling on it.

But I thought I’d make an exception today. As I have shared previously, when I get fatigued I tend to forget words, names and sometimes whole conversations. And today is one such day. I’ll be honest, I am TIRED! Perhaps it’s because I’m juggling packing and coordinating moving house, whilst holding down a full time job, and training and managing all the admin for the expedition, which leaves me with precious little time for anything else. This word loss and Alzheimer like forgetfulness really scares me. I wonder, will it ever go away for good?! Will we find a cure or vaccination for this evil disease so others don’t suffer as much?! As anyone with high functioning and hidden anxiety knows, these questions are a slippery slope into the abyss. But in the midst of all this anxiety I pause to remind myself where I was 2 years ago and note how much I’ve improved, which makes me feel a bit better. 

And then I remember that I am not fighting this battle alone; there are so many others who are also raising awareness and campaigning for proper and timely diagnosis and treatment to be more readily available. People like Mr John Cauldwell - my Lyme hero of the week. Mr Cauldwell and his family all contracted Lyme and know first hand of the many complexities that it adds to daily life. So he’s decided to pledge £1 million if his own money if the NHS will match his offer and begin to invest in treatment options, diagnosis and research on Lyme in the UK. So can I encourage you to take a few minutes to support this amazing cause? You can do this by simply following the link below and sending a copy of the template e-mail to your local MP. 

https://caudwelllyme.com/support-your-loved-ones-in-the-caudwell-lobby-for-lyme-research-funding-email-campaign/

I am literally sick and tired of this disease and I truly believe that the best way to end all of the unnecessary suffering associated with Lyme Disease is to work together to find a viable solution.

Lyme and me

It all began one cold Saturday afternoon in February 2014. I had set aside the afternoon to wash and comb my hair, a ritual that normally took up to 4 hours. As I was rinsing out the shampoo I noticed that quite a bit of hair was falling out so I reached for my scalp and to my absolute horror I found a bald spot! So I did what any sensible adult would do..I freaked out and rang my mum who spent a considerable time calming me down whilst I googled sudden hair loss and tried to come to grips with that was happening to me.

The following Monday I went to see the doctor hoping to gain some insight only to be told that I probably had dandruff issues so I should get some T-Gel and just relax.  I was seething at this blasé response but thought it best not to go into the emotional stresses of hair loss with someone who was wearing a toupee and obviously thought I was overreacting.  Instead I chopped off my beautiful fro and hoped my hair would grow back again. If only I had known then that this lack of understanding or willingness to look into the matter further would come to typify my encounters with some health professionals as I tried to find out what on earth was going on with my body.

My beloved Afro

As time went on my symptoms increased to include night sweats, fatigue, brain fog, insomnia, heightened food intolerance, low immunity, joint pain, muscle twitching, and fluctuations in my appetite to name a few.

My relationships were affected because I had no energy and was constantly cancelling on everyone – feeling guilty that I had nothing to give. My mental health suffered, as I felt frustrated and separated from everything, which led to mild depression and anxiety. The impact to my identity struck the hardest. If I couldn’t be my bubbly, happy self and be free to be the active and energetic person I once was then who was I?!

Despite all of this I kept on pushing for possible causes. I took an 8 week course of antibiotics which as first seemed to help but after a while I felt the symptoms returning so I went to my new GP who was an absolute dream and helped get me referred to a top consultant specialising in infectious diseases.  Unfortunately this consultant informed me I that I had to accept that I would have to give up my active lifestyle and consider eradicating all stress from my life as I’d most likely be on antibiotics for the rest of my life. In my opinion his diagnoses demonstrated a complete lack of interest into researching the true cause of my symptoms and so having had enough of allopathic medicine I decided to try a naturopath at the London Clinic of Nutrition where I was finally correctly diagnosed with Lyme Disease. After 6 months of treatment on Froximun's Toxaprevent combined with a strict diet and no alcohol due to the effects of Lyme on my liver I began feeling like myself again; which was such a joy!

And so precisely 3 years after this whole ordeal began I was given the all clear and was able to slowly resume my active lifestyle and start training for the expedition. I can honestly say that my entire outlook on life has been totally transformed and although it was tough, I emerged stronger and more determined than ever to live life to the fullest. So wherever you are in your journey with Lyme or whatever insurmountable struggle you’re going through at the moment, I encourage you to keep fighting, hoping and believing that you can and will overcome it!